Why is it that mothers have to constantly battle for their right to breastfeed in public, particularly breastfeeding of toddlers, without being made to feel ashamed?
In the most recent violation of breastfeeding rights, Facebook pulled photos of breastfeeding Moms off the page of Kristi Kemp and locked her out of her account. Facebook has since apologized for its actions and reinstated Ms. Kemp’s page.
Ms. Kemp maintains a Facebook page called “Breastfeeding/Mama Talk” where she helps others overcome the stigma of breastfeeding in public. Â She herself stopped breastfeeding after only 3 months because she felt embarrassed.
Ms. Kemp explains:
“When I started the page, women kept coming to me saying how embarrassed they were, how ashamed they were to breastfeed in public, Â and I realized it was a bigger issue than what I even imagined.”
Indeed, women seem to have to constantly battle to breastfeed in public.
Who could forget the 2006 incident where Emily Gillette made national headlines for being booted off a Delta flight because she refused to cover up while breastfeeding her one-year-old daughter?
Breastfeeding can be challenging enough for a new Mom learning the ropes without the disapproval and finger-wagging of a misinformed, squirmy public.
While breastfeeding tiny infants in public seems to be fairly well accepted, the older a child gets, the less tolerant the public becomes should a woman choose to continue nursing.
The Battle for Public Acceptance of Extended Breastfeeding
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months of a child’s life and then continuing at least until the child’s first birthday with mother and child maintaining the breastfeeding relationship beyond this point as long as mutually desired.
I personally chose to breastfeed my 3 children well beyond their first birthday, breastfeeding my first two children until about 24 months. Â My third child self weaned a few months before she turned 4 years old.
I am well aware of the stigma attached to mothers who breastfeed toddlers! Â More than once I received dirty looks from people while breastfeeding my children in a restaurant or other public place.
One lady went so far as to suggest that I should move to the bathroom to breastfeed. Â Mmmm. Â I don’t think so! Â “Would you like to eat in the bathroom?” Â I asked testily.
Nursing my children in the bathroom was something I always refused to do, no matter how uncomfortable the folks around me might get. Â I also refused to use a cover-up when I nursed my children, as it was my experience that this would quickly overheat the child making for an extremely uncomfortable and sometimes sweaty situation. Â Granted, I live in hot, humid Florida. Â Covers might be nice for extra warmth in other areas of the world.
I also found cover-ups such a hassle too. Â What if you forgot to put it back in the diaper bag or left it in the car when you went into the restaurant?
After a few early mishaps, I simply ditched using one altogether.
Even the YMCA, committed to improving the health of families and children, proved to be an unfriendly environment when I was nursing my babies, particularly as they got older. Â There was absolutely nowhere comfortable to nurse there. Â Hard, wooden benches with no wall behind them were the only choice in the locker room, so I opted for the benches in the busy and noisy hallway where I could at least lean against a wall while nursing before placing my child in the nursery for a few minutes while I attended a yoga class.
I lobbied on multiple occasions for a comfortable recliner to be placed in the YMCA locker room to give nursing mothers like me a relaxing and quiet place to breastfeed, but was repeatedly shot down by management.
No doubt, if a mother wishes to nurse her child beyond the first few months when her baby is small, she will need to prepare herself mentally for the likely disapproval of a misinformed public that still is not at all accepting of the many benefits of extending the breastfeeding relationship well past a child’s first birthday.
Why Bother to Nurse Beyond the First Year?
About three-quarters of mothers in 2009 chose to initiate breastfeeding after the birth of their baby. Unfortunately, many stop in the ensuing weeks and months for a variety of reasons. Â By 6 months postpartum, 47% of mothers are still breastfeeding (only 15% of these exclusively as recommended by the AAP) and by 12 months, this figure drops to 25%.
Statistics for the number of women who breastfeed beyond one year in the Western world are nearly non-existent because many mothers are not willing to even admit to extended breastfeeding!
Nursing to age four as proudly demonstrated by supermodel Jamie Lynne Grumet in the controversial Time magazine cover above from May 21, 2012, is extremely rare. Â According to the American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP), however, breastfeeding at that age shouldn’t be rare as there are significant benefits to both Mom and child for continuing breastfeeding well into toddlerhood.
Not only do Mom’s chances of breast cancer continue to diminish the longer she breastfeeds, but the benefits of providing breastmilk to a child who can easily eat and drink other foods instead are threefold:
- Continued immune protection
- Better social adjustment
- Sustainable food source in times of emergency
In fact, the AAFP states that “it has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years” and that despite the public’s perception to the contrary, there is absolutely “no evidence that extended breastfeeding is harmful to mother or child.”
Indeed, breastmilk evolves with the child, continuing to provide what Nature deems most beneficial for that age.
A study published in the journal Pediatrics in 2005 found that the expressed breastmilk of 34 women who were nursing children older than one year had “significantly increased fat and energy contents, compared with milk expressed by women who have been lactating for shorter periods. During prolonged lactation, the fat energy contribution of breast milk to the infant diet might be significant.”
What Did You Do?
What do you think about extended breastfeeding? Â Did you choose to practice it yourself or would you if given the opportunity?
If you did practice extended breastfeeding, how long did you nurse your child?
My hope is that by the time my daughter and future daughters-in-law are nursing my grandchildren, there will be a graceful and comfortable acceptance of this natural and healthy practice – and comfortable recliners in the locker rooms of YMCAs and other community facilities around the country to prove it!
Sources
Fat and Energy Contents of Expressed Human Breast Milk in Prolonged Lactation
I nursed my firstborn until 16 months — in public, I did cover up with a blanket. In private homes, with other mothers and fathers of young children, I did not cover up. The other children in the room were interested and the parents were accepting.
I nursed my twins until 11 months. I would have gone longer, but I found it exhausting to make that much milk, unfortunately. I tried to wean them at 9 months but they caught a stomach virus, so I immediately went back to breastfeeding and they got healthy quickly, and that is why I continued another two months (for their health). It took a toll on me physically, though (I lost a lot of weight nursing twins).
Despite my personal difficulties with nursing twins, I support fully every family’s choice and love to see women nursing in public, without shame or embarrassment. It is a beautiful, natural thing. Mothers need a lot of support (and less judgment!), especially with their first child, to get off on the right track.
I breastfed my oldest for 4.5 years. My second, 3 years (surprised me by self-weaning then). Both occasionally still ask now that I have another baby…but they’ve been done awhile. My 20-month-old still nurses once or twice a week, not very often. And of course my 1-month-old nurses constantly. 🙂 I let them all self-wean, although I no longer offer by the time they are 3 (but don’t refuse either) and I don’t generally nurse them in public past age 2 — just what I prefer, I feel they can understand “We’ll have milk in a little bit when we get home” at that age. I nurse on demand, anywhere, until then though.
Reminds me of the saying: “Canada got the French, Australia got the criminals and we got the Puritans.” 🙂
While I’m sure you’re just joking, I will take issue with this comment. I LOVE the Puritans. I’m sure they breastfed, and being quite versed in Scripture, I’m sure they knew of the great example of Sarah who didn’t wean Isaac until he was over three years old. Lets not blame modest, God fearing saints. Instead, we might look at how our sinful culture has blatantly sexualized everything and hijacked innocence. How can we expect breast feeding to not be stigmatized while at the same time implicitly approve of the larger than life, half naked, sexually posed Victoria’s Secret store window photo on the edge of a children’s theme park? (Or GAPbody, Aerie, etc…) When we elevate our God given worth as women (and that of other women), protect and fight for the innocence of our sons and daughters, and seek to honor and glorify the one who designed such an amazing relationship as the one mother and child experience at the breast, then, and only then will our culture have the correct appreciation for breast feeding. It is sin, not righteousness, that distorts our view.
I began writing this while nursing my fifth of five breastfed babies. I nurse modestly in public (because reality is there are men who fight against sins of lust and I don’t want to be a stumbling block amongst other reasons) and mostly uncovered at home. I’ve nursed tandem and weaned anywhere from 7 months (due to low milk and low immune during a pregnancy- onto raw milk formula) to 3 years. My husband pastors a small, conservative Christian congregation and every single mother in our church breast feeds or strongly desires to. We nurse during church, during fellowship, while walking around, while chasing after toddlers. We promote it, we cherish it, we encourage others to do it. And I don’t know one God fearing man in our midst that is unsupportive. Our young men are even used to it, or at least show no signs of awkwardness:)
I’m glad to see there is someone else here who understands that modestly while breastfeeding is not some kind of persecution. You certainly have a point – some men do have problems with lust, (I’m not saying that’s the appropriate response to seeing someone breastfeeding, just that it IS a response for some) and I’d much rather not be a source of temptation.
It shouldn’t be a matter of whether YOU’RE allowed to show your breasts to everyone… it should be a matter of whether EVERYONE is allowed to see them. Not because they’re dirty or sinful, but because they are too beautiful and special for the general public. There is only one person (other than my very small children) who has the right to see mine, and that is my husband.
This topic is probably close to the heart of many. I’ve breastfed my babies until 2 yo plus. The youngest is nursing now at 2.5 yo.
I was told while nursing my third, who was about 5 weeks old at the time, in my child’s grade school lobby to cease nursing by the school principle. I was shocked. Apparently another parent came in and saw and thought children shouldn’t see this. – Not to mention the kids wouldn’t have even noticed! – Anyway, I talked to the principal after getting over my shock, and she just asked if I would consider nursing in a separate room, for everyone’s comfort.
I am one who is not too confident nursing in public, but I’ve always done it. This was the only instance I’ve ever been confronted. – Not too bad considering the high frequency I did it!
Great article, Sarah! I breastfed each of my 10 children exclusively for 2-4 years. It was an amazing gift, not just for each of them, but for me. It is a shame our society has such little value in breast feeding –mothers milk is like liquid gold. If you had all the money in the world to use to feed your baby, you couldn’t buy anything better. And to think reast milk is free!
I’m not trying to be snarky, buy they didn’t have any other food until 2-4 years. I can’t imagine exclusively nursing for that amount of time.
I am still nursing my 21 month old and am pregnant with number 4 due in 3 months. Just 2 weeks ago I had to nurse him at the museum when I took him and my older 2 for an outing over spring break. The toddler was tired and grumpy and wouldn’t go to sleep so we sat on a bench near an exhibit and he nursed until he was content again. A few people walked by but I don’t think they thought I was doing anymore than holding him, even if they did I didn’t get any weird looks or comments and for that I was grateful. I will say that it was extremely hard for me to do that in public as he usually doesn’t ask unless we are home and he is tired but it was definitely helpful to get him to settle back down.
I’m 37 weeks pregnant and still breastfeeding my 15 month old and loving it. I can’t wait to tandem feed. I must say though that while I’ll breastfeed my infant anywhere and everywhere without any nursing cover, I feel much more awkward with my older child however and ppl seem to feel much more comfortable about telling me that I shouldn’t be feeding her. Kinda sad…
I breastfed my daughter for over 3 years. My in-laws however thought breastfeeding past 12 months old was something “she shouldn’t be doing” so I let them believe she was weaned at one year old. Even now if I tell someone that I breastfed for that long 9 times of 10 I get a look like “Oh, you are one of THOSE mothers!” Yes, I guess I am:) I never was comfortable breastfeeding in public or in front of someone I knew would be uncomfortable with it. I am however so grateful for those moms that DO breastfeed in public AND in front of people that are uncomfortable:) We need more mothers like that…I just didn’t have the confidence at the time.
Very similar experience: I breastfed in public when my kids were small (probably up to 6 months or so). I just felt more comfortable doing it at home, in the car, etc. But if they had to eat, I would definitely ‘whip it out’. My MIL was totally supportive and thought it was great that I was breastfeeding past 1 year – my mom, not so much. When I went to see her, I would BF in another room. Overall, I BF my older son till he was 3, my younger is still going (he turned 3 in January). He’s down to one feeding in the morning and one before bed (totally his choice). I will be weaning him at the end of May when he goes to Europe for the summer.
I never really discussed extended breastfeeding with many people. They just don’t get it!! If someone asked, I would totally discuss it. Otherwise, I just kept doing it (mostly at home) and that was that!
I breastfeed in front of my children, daughters AND sons and I think that is the best and most natural way to remove the stigma from peoples minds, I find men whose mothers breastfed unashamedly in the home have no silly hang ups.
I couldn’t agree more with you!!! I am very thankful for the way my mother-in-law approached this subject with my husband!
I am currently breastfeeding my daughter who will be three next month. I plan on letting her wean herself as I know it’s very beneficial for her and it’s good bonding time for us. Thankfully, my husband is very supportive and thinks it’s great. I haven’t fed her in public for a while as there is usually no easy place to do it without calling a lot of attention to ourselves. If she asks, I usually tell her we need to wait until we get home; most of the time she’s okay with that. While I’m not ashamed for people to know I still breastfeed her, I do get nervous about people’s possible reactions, even though I shouldn’t.