Why is it that mothers have to constantly battle for their right to breastfeed in public, particularly breastfeeding of toddlers, without being made to feel ashamed?
In the most recent violation of breastfeeding rights, Facebook pulled photos of breastfeeding Moms off the page of Kristi Kemp and locked her out of her account. Facebook has since apologized for its actions and reinstated Ms. Kemp’s page.
Ms. Kemp maintains a Facebook page called “Breastfeeding/Mama Talk” where she helps others overcome the stigma of breastfeeding in public. Â She herself stopped breastfeeding after only 3 months because she felt embarrassed.
Ms. Kemp explains:
“When I started the page, women kept coming to me saying how embarrassed they were, how ashamed they were to breastfeed in public, Â and I realized it was a bigger issue than what I even imagined.”
Indeed, women seem to have to constantly battle to breastfeed in public.
Who could forget the 2006 incident where Emily Gillette made national headlines for being booted off a Delta flight because she refused to cover up while breastfeeding her one-year-old daughter?
Breastfeeding can be challenging enough for a new Mom learning the ropes without the disapproval and finger-wagging of a misinformed, squirmy public.
While breastfeeding tiny infants in public seems to be fairly well accepted, the older a child gets, the less tolerant the public becomes should a woman choose to continue nursing.
The Battle for Public Acceptance of Extended Breastfeeding
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months of a child’s life and then continuing at least until the child’s first birthday with mother and child maintaining the breastfeeding relationship beyond this point as long as mutually desired.
I personally chose to breastfeed my 3 children well beyond their first birthday, breastfeeding my first two children until about 24 months. Â My third child self weaned a few months before she turned 4 years old.
I am well aware of the stigma attached to mothers who breastfeed toddlers! Â More than once I received dirty looks from people while breastfeeding my children in a restaurant or other public place.
One lady went so far as to suggest that I should move to the bathroom to breastfeed. Â Mmmm. Â I don’t think so! Â “Would you like to eat in the bathroom?” Â I asked testily.
Nursing my children in the bathroom was something I always refused to do, no matter how uncomfortable the folks around me might get. Â I also refused to use a cover-up when I nursed my children, as it was my experience that this would quickly overheat the child making for an extremely uncomfortable and sometimes sweaty situation. Â Granted, I live in hot, humid Florida. Â Covers might be nice for extra warmth in other areas of the world.
I also found cover-ups such a hassle too. Â What if you forgot to put it back in the diaper bag or left it in the car when you went into the restaurant?
After a few early mishaps, I simply ditched using one altogether.
Even the YMCA, committed to improving the health of families and children, proved to be an unfriendly environment when I was nursing my babies, particularly as they got older. Â There was absolutely nowhere comfortable to nurse there. Â Hard, wooden benches with no wall behind them were the only choice in the locker room, so I opted for the benches in the busy and noisy hallway where I could at least lean against a wall while nursing before placing my child in the nursery for a few minutes while I attended a yoga class.
I lobbied on multiple occasions for a comfortable recliner to be placed in the YMCA locker room to give nursing mothers like me a relaxing and quiet place to breastfeed, but was repeatedly shot down by management.
No doubt, if a mother wishes to nurse her child beyond the first few months when her baby is small, she will need to prepare herself mentally for the likely disapproval of a misinformed public that still is not at all accepting of the many benefits of extending the breastfeeding relationship well past a child’s first birthday.
Why Bother to Nurse Beyond the First Year?
About three-quarters of mothers in 2009 chose to initiate breastfeeding after the birth of their baby. Unfortunately, many stop in the ensuing weeks and months for a variety of reasons. Â By 6 months postpartum, 47% of mothers are still breastfeeding (only 15% of these exclusively as recommended by the AAP) and by 12 months, this figure drops to 25%.
Statistics for the number of women who breastfeed beyond one year in the Western world are nearly non-existent because many mothers are not willing to even admit to extended breastfeeding!
Nursing to age four as proudly demonstrated by supermodel Jamie Lynne Grumet in the controversial Time magazine cover above from May 21, 2012, is extremely rare. Â According to the American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP), however, breastfeeding at that age shouldn’t be rare as there are significant benefits to both Mom and child for continuing breastfeeding well into toddlerhood.
Not only do Mom’s chances of breast cancer continue to diminish the longer she breastfeeds, but the benefits of providing breastmilk to a child who can easily eat and drink other foods instead are threefold:
- Continued immune protection
- Better social adjustment
- Sustainable food source in times of emergency
In fact, the AAFP states that “it has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years” and that despite the public’s perception to the contrary, there is absolutely “no evidence that extended breastfeeding is harmful to mother or child.”
Indeed, breastmilk evolves with the child, continuing to provide what Nature deems most beneficial for that age.
A study published in the journal Pediatrics in 2005 found that the expressed breastmilk of 34 women who were nursing children older than one year had “significantly increased fat and energy contents, compared with milk expressed by women who have been lactating for shorter periods. During prolonged lactation, the fat energy contribution of breast milk to the infant diet might be significant.”
What Did You Do?
What do you think about extended breastfeeding? Â Did you choose to practice it yourself or would you if given the opportunity?
If you did practice extended breastfeeding, how long did you nurse your child?
My hope is that by the time my daughter and future daughters-in-law are nursing my grandchildren, there will be a graceful and comfortable acceptance of this natural and healthy practice – and comfortable recliners in the locker rooms of YMCAs and other community facilities around the country to prove it!
Sources
Fat and Energy Contents of Expressed Human Breast Milk in Prolonged Lactation
I love nusing my babies!! I nursed my two daughters until they were 15-16 mo. They didn’t really ask for it anymore. I’m currently breast feeding my 11 mo old son… And I don’t see it stopping any time soon! This boy LOVES his “nummies” and that’s just fine by me! 🙂 thanks for another great article!
Thirty years ago, I nursed all three of my children, each one exclusively for almost a year. I nursed the first two for about another year until several months into the next pregnancy when I got so tired. The third nursed for almost two years. I nursed in public but always used a blanket or pulled up a shirt so that it wasn’t always obvious that I was nursing. I was more comfortable with this method and was never asked to stop or even given strange looks (at least I didn’t see them). Nursing away from home is actually easier than bottle feeding–no bottles to prepare and pack and clean–just me and my baby. It helped that my husband was completely supportive of breastfeeding whenever and wherever necessary.
I breasted my first until almost 4.5 years, the second until almost 4, the third is still nursing (usually once a day) at almost 3.
I nursed my child until she ready to be done @2. I believe it is the reason why she almost never got sick, despite that I was a full-time working mom and she attended daycare. She’s only had antibiotics once and that was before I was completely well-versed in other curative remedies. It’s a shame that so many feel the pressure to stop so early and that it is so difficult to get a quiet, clean, and comfortable place to nurse our children! Nursing my child for that period of time while I was working was SO hard, but I would do again in a heartbeat!
I have four kids. I nursed my son until he self-weaned at 3 years old even though my obgyn was complaining that it might cause the premature birth of my second. (She came right on time). I weaned my second at 5 years old, my third self-weaned at 4 1/2, and my 4th is 2 1/2 years old and is still nursing.
Thanks for this article! I am a proud extended breastfeeder. My oldest nursed until she was 4 yrs & 9 mos, my 2nd until he was 4 yrs & 3 mos, my 3rd will be 4 in 4 mos. and he’s still happily nursing, as is my youngest, who is 1 yr. I nursed through all 3 of my last pregnancies, and tandem nursed all of them, as they are all 2 – 2 1/2 yrs apart. Before I had my first baby, I didn’t plan to to this, but I’m just doing what works for my kids and I. I mostly stop nursing them in public when they’re 2-ish yrs old (unless they get hurt or something), but not out of shame, just because I need to set some limits with them or I’d go crazy. It hasn’t always been easy, but extended nursing is totally worth it!!
My first was nursed until 27 mo.; second 24 mo; third is still going at 26 mo. I find it really discouraging that i have been advocating for normalizing public breastfeeding for the almost-eight years I have been a mother and many of my friends even longer. Why, oh why, is it still so taboo? It’s very wearing to try to educate for so long but still be waiting for a significant breakthrough in public opinion. What else can we do to make this more socially acceptable?
Good question. I have no idea why breastfeeding in public particularly a child over 1 is such a big deal. It’s a shame because it is such a healthful practice for Mom and child. The social taboo is why many women stop or won’t even admit to doing it, which is really sad.
I am nursing my 15 month old and even at this age I can see the “looks”! Even my friends who nursed their babies but stopped much sooner ask me when I am going to stop. I read an article the other day that said nursing past 1 year was regarded by most people as “extended” breastfeeding and that we should drop that term altogether. I’m inclined to brand those who stop breastfeeding early “short term” breast feeders. Although I do realize there are rare instances where a mother cannot breastfeed exclusively. By the way, Sarah, I love your How To video on homemade formula. I watched it just in case something were to happen and I needed to do this. Your videos are so helpful!! I can’t say it enough.
My boy is 26 months, and while I don’t breastfeed in public (if he asks, I just tell him we’ll do it later), I DO try to casually mention it when the opportunity arises, just to help normalize the idea in some small way. He asks as soon as I get home from work, and will nurse again before bed, and more on the weekends. In January he was sick for a week, and had virtually no appetite for solid foods, but wanted to nurse constantly. I was glad to have kept it up, so that I knew he was able to get not only fluids, but nourishment and antibodies. I have no idea if he’ll self-wean soon, or if I’ll end up hurrying things along at some point, but for now, I’m fine with keeping it up. It only takes a few minutes, then he’s off to do toddler things again. The “don’t offer, don’t refuse” plan seems like a good one to me.
I never cared what others thought about my right to nourish my children as I saw fit. I knew that this is the way God intended us to care for our kiddos and others judgements were theirs to answer for. Caleb, the oldest, self weaned at 2. Alaina would have continued indefinitely, but at three and me pregnant again, it hurt too much. We made a big celebration over her “graduation”. Cassia was 2 1/2 when I went to work and it wasn’t much of an issue.
I breastfed for 15 mo. I could tell she was finished by the way things were going. I feel like Moms feed at late ages for their own emotional benefit. I also felt like covering in public was the “right” thing to do. If a man pulled out his penis, just because he could, and peed in front of me I’d be insulted. I think it’s just a common courtesy for other people. We live in a society and need to respect others just as much as we would like the freedom and respect from them. If I was covered and somone came up to me and gave me the busines I’d say something, but if I just let it all hang out – I get why people would complain! One time I used a towel at a restaurant to cover…Plus, I don’t really want someone looking at my breast anyway. I’m a total advocate of Mom’s breastfeeding until they see fit – but we gotta be real too..we don’t live in a 3 world country where breastfeeding is essential to life. Anyway, I hope I’m not offending anyone but in almost everything there is a happy medium.
I could not agree with you more. I feel like mothers (some of them) are trying to shove breast feeding down society’s throat! I feel that there is a sense of entitlement. “I ‘M a nursing mother and I can whip it out anytime I want!!! ” And if that’s how you conduct yourself, go for it. But don’t ry discrimination when you are asked to ‘cover up’ because it makes someone feel uncomfortable. I really don’t want random people staring at my breasts either, it doesn’t take much to throw a towel over your shoulder. This will at least give you a little privacy.
I find the author of this article very self centered. “The Y should have a recliner so that I (me me me!!!) am more comfortable nursing.” Do you have a disability? No. Rearrange your schedule if you are not comfortable in the chairs provided , Supermom. Or donate a Lazy Boy to the Y so that you and your exhibitionist friends can be COMFORTABLE.
I won’t get started on “advanced age breast feeding.” That definitely comes off as something for mom’s benefit. Very creepy.
I don’t think moms are necessarily trying to “shove breast feeding down society’s throat.” I do believe that many moms are defensive when it comes to breast feeding just because of all the negativity they have received for so long when it came to the subject. I can see how it would make a person angry that they are being treated like some kind of pervert or exhibitionist just because they’re trying to feed their kid.
The whole point of her requesting a more comfortable seat for herself and other nursing moms was so that she could more easily meet the needs of her baby. That is in no way selfish. Mothers who opt not to give their babies the healthiest start in life by breastfeeding because they are too afraid of the way their breasts might look after breastfeeding are selfish. Mothers who are nervous of what others might think of breastfeeding and so choose not to are selfish. Women who feed their babies chemicals and sugar in the form of formula because breastfeeding is “too hard” are selfish. Breastfeeding is vital to the physical, mental and emotional health of growing infants and toddlers. That is not an opinion, that’s science. And if Sarah and other breastfeeding mothers are shoving it down society’s throat, it’s because society needs a wake up call. Breastfeeding is not gross. It’s natural and beautiful and anyone who thinks otherwise is very immature.
Where is the “like” button when I need it? WELL SAID, Olivia.
She asked for a recliner in the women’s locker room, so that she would not have to continue using a bench in the hallway. I’d say that’s pretty much the opposite of shoving it down people’s throats.
I nursed until my daughter self-weaned at 21 months. I LOVED nursing and was so sad for it to end. It was a very happy and calming experience!