Why is it that mothers have to constantly battle for their right to breastfeed in public, particularly breastfeeding of toddlers, without being made to feel ashamed?
In the most recent violation of breastfeeding rights, Facebook pulled photos of breastfeeding Moms off the page of Kristi Kemp and locked her out of her account. Facebook has since apologized for its actions and reinstated Ms. Kemp’s page.
Ms. Kemp maintains a Facebook page called “Breastfeeding/Mama Talk” where she helps others overcome the stigma of breastfeeding in public. Â She herself stopped breastfeeding after only 3 months because she felt embarrassed.
Ms. Kemp explains:
“When I started the page, women kept coming to me saying how embarrassed they were, how ashamed they were to breastfeed in public, Â and I realized it was a bigger issue than what I even imagined.”
Indeed, women seem to have to constantly battle to breastfeed in public.
Who could forget the 2006 incident where Emily Gillette made national headlines for being booted off a Delta flight because she refused to cover up while breastfeeding her one-year-old daughter?
Breastfeeding can be challenging enough for a new Mom learning the ropes without the disapproval and finger-wagging of a misinformed, squirmy public.
While breastfeeding tiny infants in public seems to be fairly well accepted, the older a child gets, the less tolerant the public becomes should a woman choose to continue nursing.
The Battle for Public Acceptance of Extended Breastfeeding
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months of a child’s life and then continuing at least until the child’s first birthday with mother and child maintaining the breastfeeding relationship beyond this point as long as mutually desired.
I personally chose to breastfeed my 3 children well beyond their first birthday, breastfeeding my first two children until about 24 months. Â My third child self weaned a few months before she turned 4 years old.
I am well aware of the stigma attached to mothers who breastfeed toddlers! Â More than once I received dirty looks from people while breastfeeding my children in a restaurant or other public place.
One lady went so far as to suggest that I should move to the bathroom to breastfeed. Â Mmmm. Â I don’t think so! Â “Would you like to eat in the bathroom?” Â I asked testily.
Nursing my children in the bathroom was something I always refused to do, no matter how uncomfortable the folks around me might get. Â I also refused to use a cover-up when I nursed my children, as it was my experience that this would quickly overheat the child making for an extremely uncomfortable and sometimes sweaty situation. Â Granted, I live in hot, humid Florida. Â Covers might be nice for extra warmth in other areas of the world.
I also found cover-ups such a hassle too. Â What if you forgot to put it back in the diaper bag or left it in the car when you went into the restaurant?
After a few early mishaps, I simply ditched using one altogether.
Even the YMCA, committed to improving the health of families and children, proved to be an unfriendly environment when I was nursing my babies, particularly as they got older. Â There was absolutely nowhere comfortable to nurse there. Â Hard, wooden benches with no wall behind them were the only choice in the locker room, so I opted for the benches in the busy and noisy hallway where I could at least lean against a wall while nursing before placing my child in the nursery for a few minutes while I attended a yoga class.
I lobbied on multiple occasions for a comfortable recliner to be placed in the YMCA locker room to give nursing mothers like me a relaxing and quiet place to breastfeed, but was repeatedly shot down by management.
No doubt, if a mother wishes to nurse her child beyond the first few months when her baby is small, she will need to prepare herself mentally for the likely disapproval of a misinformed public that still is not at all accepting of the many benefits of extending the breastfeeding relationship well past a child’s first birthday.
Why Bother to Nurse Beyond the First Year?
About three-quarters of mothers in 2009 chose to initiate breastfeeding after the birth of their baby. Unfortunately, many stop in the ensuing weeks and months for a variety of reasons. Â By 6 months postpartum, 47% of mothers are still breastfeeding (only 15% of these exclusively as recommended by the AAP) and by 12 months, this figure drops to 25%.
Statistics for the number of women who breastfeed beyond one year in the Western world are nearly non-existent because many mothers are not willing to even admit to extended breastfeeding!
Nursing to age four as proudly demonstrated by supermodel Jamie Lynne Grumet in the controversial Time magazine cover above from May 21, 2012, is extremely rare. Â According to the American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP), however, breastfeeding at that age shouldn’t be rare as there are significant benefits to both Mom and child for continuing breastfeeding well into toddlerhood.
Not only do Mom’s chances of breast cancer continue to diminish the longer she breastfeeds, but the benefits of providing breastmilk to a child who can easily eat and drink other foods instead are threefold:
- Continued immune protection
- Better social adjustment
- Sustainable food source in times of emergency
In fact, the AAFP states that “it has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years” and that despite the public’s perception to the contrary, there is absolutely “no evidence that extended breastfeeding is harmful to mother or child.”
Indeed, breastmilk evolves with the child, continuing to provide what Nature deems most beneficial for that age.
A study published in the journal Pediatrics in 2005 found that the expressed breastmilk of 34 women who were nursing children older than one year had “significantly increased fat and energy contents, compared with milk expressed by women who have been lactating for shorter periods. During prolonged lactation, the fat energy contribution of breast milk to the infant diet might be significant.”
What Did You Do?
What do you think about extended breastfeeding? Â Did you choose to practice it yourself or would you if given the opportunity?
If you did practice extended breastfeeding, how long did you nurse your child?
My hope is that by the time my daughter and future daughters-in-law are nursing my grandchildren, there will be a graceful and comfortable acceptance of this natural and healthy practice – and comfortable recliners in the locker rooms of YMCAs and other community facilities around the country to prove it!
Sources
Fat and Energy Contents of Expressed Human Breast Milk in Prolonged Lactation
well she turned 10 1/2 months yesterday. I will breastfeed up to 2 yrs if she wants to. however I think she will stop herself aroun d 1 yr the way she is tappering off. we are 1 in am 2 or 3 in even before bed and 1 or 2 at night now. thats down from first 6m 15 to 18times a day and then till now 8 to 10 times a day. every week now she seems to be cutting out one more feeding. it s up to her she knows what her body needs.
I hope your optimistic outlook is accurate, b/c otherwise we’re in trouble. Today, natural isn’t normal. There is a new normal. Kids drink formula, aren’t allowed to play in dirt, have to wipe down w/ antibacterial everywhere they go, it’s ok for them to watch sponge bob, it’s ok for them to eat marshmallows for breakfast, hard work and outside time for children is on the slide, they’re locked into electronic entertainment constantly, it’s inappropriate for children to see a woman breastfeeding in public!, going with out vaccines is taboo (although we seem to be gaining slightly on this front), everyone now knows a child with cancer, etc.. I too am optimistic, but I think this curve of new stupidity will last for generations.
I nursed my first until she was nearly three, although toward the end she mainly used it to help her get to sleep or for comfort if she got hurt or was sick. I knew I needed neck surgery and was worried it’d be too painful to nurse during recovery, and I was feeling “done” anyway so I started giving her to a count of ten on each side as a method if weaning. It was more for comfort than nutrition by that point anyway.
We live in a very pro-breast feeding area, and my best experience was while nursing her (probably around a year old) on a log during a hike. A couple people passed and gave thumbs up, or even said, “way to go!” as they recognized what I was doing. I always used a cover-up for my own comfort in public, often at home too since she was easily distracted without it.
We’ll see what’s different with my son, due next month!
Carolyn, k, and Amy, I agree!
I breastfed all of my children for an average of one year (yes, not long enough). It is wonderful, beneficial, natural, and I feel very blessed to have had that experience.
However, I do believe that our “right” to breastfeed wouldn’t be so problematic if we were just as considerate of other people as we would have them be of us. Discretion and courtesy have become pretty much nonexistent in the pursuit of one’s perceived rights – that is my first thought when seeing the Time cover.
There is discreet, skinless nursing, and there is revealing nursing. Some people may have a problem with both, but most are okay with the discreet type and just don’t want to see the whole deal.
When I breastfed in public I always made sure that the skin was covered; not out of a puritanical mindset, but as a courtesy. Not once did I receive any adverse reaction. (this was between 1988-2002). This doesn’t mean that I didn’t have the liberty to do it “my” way, but that I put others before myself. I think that if we had a “do unto others” attitude, rather than the militancy that has become pervasive in the pursuit of our “rights”, there would be fewer adverse reactions.
There will always be rude, insensitive people, but that is life – and I don’t want to be one of them just so that I get to exercise my liberty.
I breastfed all four of my children exclusively, three of them beyond the first year and two almost to the second year. I breastfed in public when it was necessary and I think that every mother should be free to breastfeed publicly without shame or fear of confrontation. However women should also be considerate of others while doing so. If a woman is wearing camisole, for example, then it would be thoughtful of others if she would cover her shoulder and exposed chest area with a lightweight blanket or other cover. Most other tops allow for discreet public breastfeeding because they can be pulled up from the bottom. If the blouse hikes up in the back, exposing the woman’s back, then she needs to find a seat where she can lean against something to cover her back. It’s not about being ashamed, it’s about being thoughtful of others. It’s not about flaunting our rights in everyone’s faces, it’s about consideration of others. A woman should stand up for her right to breastfeed in public, but she should not expose herself in public while doing so. If we could all be more considerate of others in all things, this world would be a much nicer place. I never had trouble breastfeeding in public, but I was always modest and exercised discretion.
I agree with you, Amy!
We are a society that sees the breast as a sexual object. Blatant exposure regardless of the reason is shocking and draws attention. Thanks to extensive education via doctors, nurses, even television news and commercials, people today understand the importance of breastfeeding. Opposition comes when there is ‘blatant exposure’–I don’t think the answer to change culture is for women to “whip it out” to nurse. Modesty and discretion when nursing is an act of respect in an overly sexualized society.
My daughter nursed for 2 years and 3 months; the only reason we stopped was because she got a cold and could not breath through her nose while she nursed! I always cherished the moments she nursed; it was for much more than just nourishment…it created a strong bond between us. I loved snuggling with her—even in public—when we nursed discretly. I was never once accosted for breastfeeding in public.
Thank you for speaking to those of us who are 100% for breastfeeding, but greatly appreciate courtesy from those doing it. My daughter in law is breastfeeding my first grandchild and is always thoughtful of who is around when she does. I breastfed my son, and I just recognize that everyone is not always comfortable with it, so why does it hurt to be considerate? I actually think breastfeeding moms might consider that a part of it…just being thoughtful. Breast milk is awesome! God bless those mothers who are willing to give in this way!
i nursed all my babies for at least a yr., most a little past that. i always covered up w/ a light blanket when nursing in public. i guess i always felt more comfortable, and while i don’t think there’s anything wrong w/not covering, i always try to err on the side of compassion for the uninitiated. definitely not meaning to take a swat at any of you, but i think that, for me, if i try to make others as comfortable as possible with my practices that go against the main, the more support/converts i have gained. catching flies w/honey, not vinegar, i guess. 🙂
but then, i’m kind of a conflict avoider too……
K, you said what I was trying to say below but you said it much better. “Compassion for the uninitiated” is a great way to put it. I wasn’t trying to take a swat at anyone with my comment below either. You said it well. We don’t win converts by getting in people’s faces. We win converts with love, charity, kindness, etc. I appreciate your comment.
Agree 100% I submitted something very similar but somehow it didn’t make it on the board
100% here too. I also submitted something similar, but it didn’t make it either.
I breastfed (1988-2001) in public without any looks e.v.e.r. by just keeping the skin under wraps. Just putting others first. 🙂
Great article. I nursed all three of mine until they were about 21/2 when they all self weaned. With my first child, I ran a small home daycare. Nursing was my daughters way of saying this is my mom – she may care for you but she only nurses me. One of the parents complained that their child would ask to nurse because of my daughter. It bothered them – too bad was my thought. I just instinctually felt she still needed it. The books at the time (she is 15) said there was only benefit until 1 year of age. That seemed ludicrous to me, no way natures best food started not being good just because the child turns a year old. My 3rd child is my son who had a Vitamin K Deficiency bleed at 5 weeks of age and now has massive brain damage. He nursed fine until his bleed and then after his brain surgery and he got off the vent, he was able to resume nursing. I pumped while he could not nurse. We nursed until he was 2 1/2. I would have nursed longer but he started really bitting and he did not have the ability to understand what he was doing. I know that nursing gave him such a good start and today he is physically very healthy considering his extensive brain injury. Nursing is critical and so important!
I’m afraid I would weigh in with a more moderate view. I would first say that I fully support a mother to breastfeed for as long as she likes (I did for 2 years) and to breastfeed in public if she chooses to. I’m not uncomfortable with it at all. My point would be that public spaces belong to everyone – not exclusively to breastfeeding mothers. While for us we view it as a beautiful and natural thing regardless of the age of the child, others may have a more conservative outlook and don’t appreciate a woman (any woman, for any reason, not just breastfeeding), pulling out a breast in public. If that person chooses to ask you in a polite and courteous manner if you wouldn’t mind moving to a private location, then you have the right to inform them in the same way that you would prefer to remain where you are. We all share these spaces and we all have a wide variety of opinions on what is and is not acceptable in public. It is every much your responsibility to respect that someone else can have a different opinion than you as it is theirs to do the same, and hopefully reach a mutually agreeable compromise. I don’t think it’s offensive to be asked to move, because that’s basically being offended that someone has a different point of view than you do, and then you’re going to spend a lifetime being offended by people with different opinions than yours.
When I had my daughter in 2000, I nursed her until she was 11 months, just because I knew it was better for her, immunity-wise. I didn’t know squat about real nutrition back then, so I thought that 1 year was the limit. But, now, my son is almost 2 1/2 yrs and is still breastfeeding on demand. 99% of the nursing he does is for comfort, since he eats everything we do, but I will continue to breastfeed him until he self-weans, even though I am uncomfortable nursing him in public. Not because of everyone else’s opinions, just because it makes me, personally, uncomfortable. But I think that anyone who wants to breastfeed in public should be able to, without inciting disapproving looks and comments.
I totally believe the stigma comes from our over sexualized society. When it comes to women’s breast everyone is programmed to think of them as men’s play things. Look at all the breast implants being done. Even teens are having that done. If you don’t have a certain size you are supposedly not even sexy. I remember reading an article once that the U.S. was the only country that sexualized women’s breast to the extent that we do. It’s pretty obvious the most important intentions God had in mind when he gave us breast. I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for society to figure that out and respect it though.