Why is it that mothers have to constantly battle for their right to breastfeed in public, particularly breastfeeding of toddlers, without being made to feel ashamed?
In the most recent violation of breastfeeding rights, Facebook pulled photos of breastfeeding Moms off the page of Kristi Kemp and locked her out of her account. Facebook has since apologized for its actions and reinstated Ms. Kemp’s page.
Ms. Kemp maintains a Facebook page called “Breastfeeding/Mama Talk” where she helps others overcome the stigma of breastfeeding in public. Â She herself stopped breastfeeding after only 3 months because she felt embarrassed.
Ms. Kemp explains:
“When I started the page, women kept coming to me saying how embarrassed they were, how ashamed they were to breastfeed in public, Â and I realized it was a bigger issue than what I even imagined.”
Indeed, women seem to have to constantly battle to breastfeed in public.
Who could forget the 2006 incident where Emily Gillette made national headlines for being booted off a Delta flight because she refused to cover up while breastfeeding her one-year-old daughter?
Breastfeeding can be challenging enough for a new Mom learning the ropes without the disapproval and finger-wagging of a misinformed, squirmy public.
While breastfeeding tiny infants in public seems to be fairly well accepted, the older a child gets, the less tolerant the public becomes should a woman choose to continue nursing.
The Battle for Public Acceptance of Extended Breastfeeding
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months of a child’s life and then continuing at least until the child’s first birthday with mother and child maintaining the breastfeeding relationship beyond this point as long as mutually desired.
I personally chose to breastfeed my 3 children well beyond their first birthday, breastfeeding my first two children until about 24 months. Â My third child self weaned a few months before she turned 4 years old.
I am well aware of the stigma attached to mothers who breastfeed toddlers! Â More than once I received dirty looks from people while breastfeeding my children in a restaurant or other public place.
One lady went so far as to suggest that I should move to the bathroom to breastfeed. Â Mmmm. Â I don’t think so! Â “Would you like to eat in the bathroom?” Â I asked testily.
Nursing my children in the bathroom was something I always refused to do, no matter how uncomfortable the folks around me might get. Â I also refused to use a cover-up when I nursed my children, as it was my experience that this would quickly overheat the child making for an extremely uncomfortable and sometimes sweaty situation. Â Granted, I live in hot, humid Florida. Â Covers might be nice for extra warmth in other areas of the world.
I also found cover-ups such a hassle too. Â What if you forgot to put it back in the diaper bag or left it in the car when you went into the restaurant?
After a few early mishaps, I simply ditched using one altogether.
Even the YMCA, committed to improving the health of families and children, proved to be an unfriendly environment when I was nursing my babies, particularly as they got older. Â There was absolutely nowhere comfortable to nurse there. Â Hard, wooden benches with no wall behind them were the only choice in the locker room, so I opted for the benches in the busy and noisy hallway where I could at least lean against a wall while nursing before placing my child in the nursery for a few minutes while I attended a yoga class.
I lobbied on multiple occasions for a comfortable recliner to be placed in the YMCA locker room to give nursing mothers like me a relaxing and quiet place to breastfeed, but was repeatedly shot down by management.
No doubt, if a mother wishes to nurse her child beyond the first few months when her baby is small, she will need to prepare herself mentally for the likely disapproval of a misinformed public that still is not at all accepting of the many benefits of extending the breastfeeding relationship well past a child’s first birthday.
Why Bother to Nurse Beyond the First Year?
About three-quarters of mothers in 2009 chose to initiate breastfeeding after the birth of their baby. Unfortunately, many stop in the ensuing weeks and months for a variety of reasons. Â By 6 months postpartum, 47% of mothers are still breastfeeding (only 15% of these exclusively as recommended by the AAP) and by 12 months, this figure drops to 25%.
Statistics for the number of women who breastfeed beyond one year in the Western world are nearly non-existent because many mothers are not willing to even admit to extended breastfeeding!
Nursing to age four as proudly demonstrated by supermodel Jamie Lynne Grumet in the controversial Time magazine cover above from May 21, 2012, is extremely rare. Â According to the American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP), however, breastfeeding at that age shouldn’t be rare as there are significant benefits to both Mom and child for continuing breastfeeding well into toddlerhood.
Not only do Mom’s chances of breast cancer continue to diminish the longer she breastfeeds, but the benefits of providing breastmilk to a child who can easily eat and drink other foods instead are threefold:
- Continued immune protection
- Better social adjustment
- Sustainable food source in times of emergency
In fact, the AAFP states that “it has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years” and that despite the public’s perception to the contrary, there is absolutely “no evidence that extended breastfeeding is harmful to mother or child.”
Indeed, breastmilk evolves with the child, continuing to provide what Nature deems most beneficial for that age.
A study published in the journal Pediatrics in 2005 found that the expressed breastmilk of 34 women who were nursing children older than one year had “significantly increased fat and energy contents, compared with milk expressed by women who have been lactating for shorter periods. During prolonged lactation, the fat energy contribution of breast milk to the infant diet might be significant.”
What Did You Do?
What do you think about extended breastfeeding? Â Did you choose to practice it yourself or would you if given the opportunity?
If you did practice extended breastfeeding, how long did you nurse your child?
My hope is that by the time my daughter and future daughters-in-law are nursing my grandchildren, there will be a graceful and comfortable acceptance of this natural and healthy practice – and comfortable recliners in the locker rooms of YMCAs and other community facilities around the country to prove it!
Sources
Fat and Energy Contents of Expressed Human Breast Milk in Prolonged Lactation
If you are exposing your breast in public, you deserve to get dirty looks and be asked to leave. What makes you think other people need to “get over” the fact that you are exposing a part of your body that is covered in pubic. Breastfeed as long as you want – wherever you want but keep your breasts covered. No, I never nursed in a bathroom-gross.
Read this while nursing my 18 month old. 🙂 I have never got negetive comments or looks while breastfeeding in public, but I am also one who likes to cover up. I think that is what most have against public breastfeeding, when we are showing our breasts and they don’t want to see them. Can’t say I blame them 🙂 I’ve nursed my kiddos until about two and I loved it.
So many people give dirty looks when a mother breastfeeds in public, BUT the more it is seen and done in public, the more accepted it will become. I still remember all the moms I saw as a child who breastfed their children in front of others, it will stick in the minds of boys, teens, adults and those same people may just be encouraged by seeing that when the time comes for them to be supportive of it or actually choose to BF their own children.
Kudos to all the moms who have BF when their child needed it, regardless of where they were!
I breastfed my 3 children as well and although I did not have anyone to compare my situation with I truly did not care. My family was supportive and that was all I needed. My oldest is 13 now and bf for 11 months. My 8 yr old bf for 15 months and my 5 yr old for 17 months. I can assure you they are very healthy well rounded children and the two oldest are a students and Gifted and Talented as well. My baby is also showing those great academic abilities as well. I believe bf should be first choice if possible. The benefits alone are why I chose to and now we really can see the truth behind the studies. I have spoken to all of my children why mommy did this for them and explained that this is why breasts are on my body. I wanted them to feel comfortable with questions and actually they were just truly amazed at how magical the human body is. As for the naysers they are just uneducated but there will come a day when the never spoiled or ,recalled and free milk is vastly accepted, till then Keep up the good work Mamas
I wasn’t able to breastfeed my 3rd child so I chose to pump exclusively. My goal was to provide breastmilk for him for at least 6 months, but he is 16 months old now & I am still pumping. I can definitely confirm the statement about the composition of milk being different when pumping for an older child. My “newborn” breastmilk used to separate when stored in the fridge with cream floating on top & watery whey on the bottom. Now it has consistency of a milkshake & never separates.
I am one of those mothers who has kept secret, with the exception of a few extended family members, the fact that I nursed my daughter for 6 3/4 years. Yes, you read that right: 6 3/4 years, and right here in America. I am a white American born and raised in white America, so there was no ethnic/cultural component of my family that would have influenced my decision to nurse that long. (My own mother, typical of American moms in the 1940s and 50s, didn’t nurse any of her five children.) I didn’t even discover the world of GAPS, nutrient dense food, WAPS, etc. until five years ago, almost two decades before my decision to nurse as long as I chose to.
I did have one experience, when my daughter was between one and two years old, that impressed me greatly, and no doubt helped me feel good about my decision to continue nursing long after toddlerhood. My husband, children and I lived in Japan for a year, and there I met a woman who was still nursing her eight-year old son. I was very impressed with the fact that, at least in the 1990s, extended nursing was a cultural norm in Japan.
I honestly had no plan as to how long I would nurse my daughter, who we knew was our last child. I simply followed her lead. And at 6 3/4 years old, she was still as interested in nursing as she was the day she was born. Obviously, the amount of nursing each day had diminished greatly by the time she was almost seven, but her nighttime routine in order to fall asleep was the same as it had always been for her, i.e. she nursed to sleep. She would happily have chosen to continue to nurse, but I chose to stop when I did because, at the time, I had recently been asked to head the women’s organization at my local congregation, so because I had suddenly become slightly more high profile, I was genuinely afraid that if anyone found out I was still nursing my first-grader, I would be arrested for child abuse.
Reading your post today, Sarah, has been immensely gratifying and vindicating. I see now that I was only ahead of my time. 🙂 This the first time I’ve gone public with my little secret, but if it will help those struggling for the courage to practice extended nursing, I’ve decided to out myself. As far as disparaging looks from others when I chose to nurse in public, I just ignored them. I always wore loose-fitting shirts I could easily pull up rather than advertising that I was nursing by wearing a cover. (Of course, by the time my daughter was no longer a toddler, I restricted nursing to inside my or a family member’s home.)
Happy nursing, all!!!!! 🙂
My daughter is 22, so this was a long time ago, but I breastfed exclusively until she was 9 months old and continued breastfeeding with babified table food until she was 2-1/2. I took a nice 6 months to wean her. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home with her which I think really helps. It’s hard to work and pump – not saying it can’t be done though.
I found one of the main advantages of breastfeeding into toddler years was when she would get frustrated/upset/tantum verge. Nursing at those times allowed us both to sit down, calm down and change those negative emotions to something positive. It was as beneficial for me as it was for her. My mother was mildly supportive. My in-laws would ask every time they saw me when I was going to wean her. My husband was very supportive and helped me by running interference.
Just wanted to chime in about pumping. I went back to work when my older son was 5 months and pumped for him for almost 7 months. Then I continued breastfeeding at home (day and night) till he was 3. With my younger one I stayed home till he was 10.5 months, then pumped for over 3 months (I might have continued but my pump died). I’m still nursing at 3 years old. I agree: it may not be easy. You have to eat and drink enough, relax enough to let down, make time, etc. BUT it’s soooo worth it. I would not have it any other way…
I’m so glad you wrote about this topic. I’m overwhelmed just thinking about writing a post about it. I’m at a loss for where to even begin, but I’m not even the tiniest bit embarrassed about breastfeeding in any environment. I do sometimes feel anxious about receiving a dirty look or concerned someone may say something, but that wouldn’t change my desire to nurse my child anywhere. My llittle one is 27 months old and I can’t imagine weaning. We both love the bonding and cuddle time; it’s unlike anything else. 🙂 I plan to allow my little one to self-wean for the reasons you noted in your post. It’s just to best way, no depression, no engorged breasts, no unhappy and confused baby because mommy took the breast away- just pure peace about it for the both of us. I wish more mothers understood and embraced extended breastfeeding because I think we’re doing the next generations and those that follow a disservice by refusing to give them the best that we can.
xo
Eleanor
Wow, this article is very timely for me. It’s good to be reassured of all the benefits of extended breastfeeding. I am nursing my 22 month old and feel conflicted. He still gets up 1-2 x a night to nurse and I’m exhausted! I don’t necessarily want to wean I just want him to sleep through the night. Any tips??
Are you cosleeping? That definitely helped me. My 3 year old gets up in the middle of the night and comes to our bed to sleep the rest of the night – often wanting to nurse. It usually lasts a few minutes, then we both go back to sleep. Neither one of my kids has slept through the night till much, much later – well, the 3 year old still doesn’t! My 8.5 year old did it starting at maybe 4? or 5? Can’t recall now…. He did the same thing that my younger one does now and it works for us. Make sure you get enough sleep by going down early – I have to have 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night or I’m tired…
With my first son, I was still working ~20 hours a week to keep insurance, but my schedule was quite varied during the first six months of his life (during the summer). Because of my weird schedule and inability to pump at work (breaks not long enough, but work hours too long to keep regular milk supply), I was only able to do it for three months exclusively, and six months supplementing.
With my second son, he hated formula and I wanted to breastfeed, so it wasn’t a big deal. At four months, we tried to introduce cereal and discovered a milk allergy, so I went back to exclusive breastfeeding. We introduced some baby foods closer to 12 mos., and introduced soy milk at 13 months, but it took until 18 months for him to wean. (We’re now off soy as well…yay coconut milk!)
I’m a very shy person, so I would seek out bathrooms with a chair or lounge area, and wear layers so I could feed discreetly, or I’d just pop him a quick feeding in the car before we went somewhere if it was an issue (easier and more discreet than you’d think, and certainly cleaner than a bathroom). For the most part, people were very supportive.